Today is my 20th wedding anniversary. Twenty years ago today the Mrs and I walked down the aisle at the Kingwood Church of Christ, in front of our friends and family. My grandfather, who passed away a little over a year ago, performed the ceremony. I did most of the crying during the process. My dad pointed out afterwards that I’d put the ring on the wrong hand.
A week or so ago I said to my wife we were still like newlyweds. Why? Because I’d just asked her if she wanted to go with me to put gas in my truck, and she’d said yes. Newlyweds like to be around each other all the time. And I still like being around S alot. We just like each other’s company. Even after 20 years and when we should have run out of stuff to talk about.
I also said it because we have sex on a daily basis. We figured it up and we’ve done it 3000+ times. There have been time due to illness, travel, and low hormones we haven’t keep it up daily, but we figure we averaged 3 times a week for our whole married life. We’ve definitely emptied out the jelly bean jar, if you’ve heard that story.
The Bearded Lady
I know I shouldn’t look for logic from a teenager, but the eldest some times seems retarded. He says he’s never getting married because marriage sucks. He says it’s like a bearded lady.
In old carnivals they used to have a bearded lady as part of the freak show. The shuckster at the door would convince you it was the greatest, coolest thing you were ever going to see. Then you’d go in and it was just stupid.
But when you came out you wouldn’t tell other people it was boring because you didn’t want to look stupid. To E, marriage is the bearded lady. It sucks for everyone, but they won’t tell anyone else it does because they don’t want to look stupid.
Of course this isn’t true, and while lots of people have bad marriages, E’s parents don’t. They have a great one. He sees that everyday, but still believes marriage is bad.
What’s the Secret?
My guess is some readers of this post are asking, “So what is the secret to 20 years of marital bliss?”
I’m not sure I have an answer. I think good marriages are good because they contain two good people. It is more a function of who you are as people than anything else.
You need to be positive and self-sacrificial. You need to guard yourself against negative habits, attitudes, and views other people will try and put on you. Don’t hang with people who are constantly bitching, moaning and complaining about their spouse. Don’t join in. Instead try and focus on the good stuff and tell other people that.
You are going to get board, mad, sad, and depressed. Deal with it, its part of life and it doesn’t mean you have a bad marriage. Give each other some slack and carry them when they are down. Just hope you don’t both get down at the same time.:)
Lastly I just want to repeat something I whispered in my bride’s ear 20 years ago, tears rolling down my face at our wedding.
“I ain’t gonna stop loving you for nothing, Suzi”