So I’m cruising the net and run into a new blog RedSugar. Linking through the blog I come on this entry about the sexiest blogger. As you can see from the comments I told her I thought she was sexy. She responded with frightening speed, that looks have very little to do with sexy.

This took me back and made me think. I made a replying comment, but thought it deserved more comment.

I don’t think I really want to try and define sexy. And I think women have a significantly different definition than men. We are shallow creatures and are very influenced by looks, where as women are much more influenced by actions.

So a guy will think a good looking woman is sexy. Now guys are influenced by actions too. As I said in my comment a good looking woman can become unsexy. My wife’s sister was the classic blonde beauty when I first met her but she was also the classic drill team bitch which made her’ totally unsexy to me. She still is beautiful years later, but has had a major change in personality, which makes her more beautiful to me. Doesn’t really make her sexy though…why is that? In this case probably because of our relationship as in-laws.

Let’s look at the other case, an unattractive woman who becomes sexy. This is the kind of sexy that is harder for a guy to define. I’m sitting here trying to think of an example and it is forcing me to say what makes a woman sexy. I’m going to go off on a tangent that will turn out to be relevant.

I have a buddy you thinks marriage is a raw deal for guys because when a guy gets married he loses the ability to have sex with other women. This desire is in his opinion built in to males. But women get what they want, which is security. So his wife asked him what would be the perfect life for men, and this stumped him for awhile. Because we men do want a family. We want progeny. We didn’t have a good answer when discussing it amongst ourselves.

I has the same discussion with my wife and realize there is something else men want. And they want it enough to give up polygamy. They want respect. They want to feel they are important and that other people want them. You know writing that makes me understand sexy more. Guys want to feel women find them sexy.

So now I’m back to why an unattractive woman can become sexy. If a guy feels she thinks he’s important and sexy he can come to feel she’s sexy. If she makes him feel sexy he’ll think she’s sexy.

And let’s finish this discussion of sexy with another case study: Strippers. These are women whose profession is to be sexy. But there a couple of interesting things I learned watching G-string Diva’s.

First, these women understand that guys like different body types. They don’t take it personally if a guy isn’t interested because she might not be his type. So sexiness in these cases is based purely on looks.

Secondly, some strippers are more sexy than others. And not just by body type, but by personality. If they can convince a man he is wonderful and important, they can milk him dry. Talking to them they often say guys will do the champagne room just to have her sit with him for and hour. Remember nothing is free at a strip club. That means some guys will pay a dancer $200 an hour on top of a $140 bottle of champagne to just talk to them. Or just to be listened to by an attractive young women who makes them feel important. One woman said she didn’t like approaching the young good looking guys, but preferred the older guys who wanted to feel young and important again.

So my point seems to be that to guys looks are sexy and so is personality and there is an interaction between the two that effects overall sexiness.

(Is there no trackback link on Red Sugar’s page, or am I just clueless?)

Written while listening to “I’d Rather Be in Love”
album The Spirit Room
by Michelle Branch
Written while listening to “Looking For A Stranger”
album All Fired Up (Disc 1)
by Pat Benatar
Written while listening to “Panama”
album Van Halen Best Of Vol. 1
by Van Halen
Written while listening to “Don’t Walk Away”
album All Fired Up (Disc 2)
by Pat Benatar
Written while listening to “Knights In White Satin”
album ^a
by Moody Blues

One Comment

  1. redsugar (tanya) says:

    One of the many brilliant things about Moveable Type is that comments get emailed to you. And I installed the SimpleComments plugin, so my trackbacks and comments are in the same window, but it still doesn’t look like yours caught.

    And, obviously, I’m a geek. Which is part of the sexy thing – I don’t have a problem with my looks, and I consider myself blessed to have them. But being a die-hard tomboy and able to converse in cobol doesn’t exactly endear me to most men. Go figure. I tend to think of myself in terms of Jamie Lee Curtis doing the striptease in True Lies. I have no inherent sexiness, and if I try, I’m much more likely to injure myself than turn anyone on.

    There are bloggers who have met me and whom I trust to back me up. Not sexy. Believe. 😉

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